SuDUMBKu
by DragonRose888
Summary: Collab with aodokueki. Even with all the complicated plots and plans, the whole cast of Kingdom Hearts can't solve one measly Sudoku puzzle. Insanity ensues. CRACK FANFICTION. Rated M for language among 'other' things...


**Wonnykins: This story is a COLLAB! Me and my friend, ****aodokueki**** who ALSO happens to go to school with me wrote this. It was a pass-back story; I wrote a little, gave it to her, and then SHE wrote some. It spiraled from there. This is pure INSANITY, and if it makes any sense to you all, lemme know. Her sections are in bold, mine are in regular font. I changed some things around, so if she's reading this, sorry if it sounds off from what we REALLY wrote. It's all mostly word-for-word from the paper we wrote it on, but I noticed a few things here and there that needed changing.**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. Do not sue EITHER of us.**

**Note: I recommend my dear friend to those of you who like Cleon and Zexyx. Go check her out: ****aodokueki****.**

**Su-DUMB-Ku**

A Wonnykins/Rox-ass Production

The day of the incident was a nasty one. The sky was a dark gray, and a thick, heavy curtain of rain was falling. It was just one of those days where there was also absolutely nothing to do.

Which led to the incident in question.

In her bedroom, on her long table, Namine was concentrating on a puzzle. A sudoku puzzle. She was frowning and biting the eraser of her pencil in frustration.

**Namine shifted to look at the door upon hearing someone approaching. Her efforts were rewarded by an overly-dramatic shower of petals. The owner of said petals smiled as vibrantly as a man without a heart could, and he waltzed over to the sitting girl. "Hey witch." He greeted casually. Leaning over her shoulder, he picked up the source of her frustration. "What's this, Namine?" He asked, curiously, waving the paper in the air.**

Sighing tiredly, the blond girl set down her pencil. "It's a sudoku puzzle...you fill in all the numbers from one to nine in each of the big boxes without putting in the same number in a row, column, or box. See?" And she pointed out the few hand-printed number's she'd managed to figure out. "But this one...this one's REALLY hard..."

"What is?"** Larxanne asked as she slipped into the room. Marluxia handed her the paper, muttering about 'stupid puzzles'. Larxanne looked the puzzle over, before barking out a laugh. "Oh come on, Namine!" Larxanne chuckled, "I'm not surprised you couldn't figure this out, though." She added in a mock thoughtful tone. Pulling up a seat, Larxanne began to work on the puzzle. A few minutes later, she was growling and digging her nails into the table in frustration.  
"And what is this little gathering about?"  
**"Superior." Was the immediate response. Xemnas nodded at the room's occupants boredly, plucking the puzzle out of Larxanne's hands. "Oh, a sudoku puzzle? I'm surprised, Larxanne; you never struck me as the intelligent type..." The silver-haired man then frowned. "My, this is...challenging..."

**"What's challenging, Superior?" Vexen asked as he stepped into the room. The blond scientist grimaced as he saw Marluxia's eyes brighten upon his appearance. Vexen walked to the table and took a quick glance at the puzzle. He leaned forward onto the table to get a better look, taking a moment to slap Marly when the pink-haired Nobody tried to wrap an arm around Vexen's waist. Grabbing a pencil, Vexen began to work on the puzzle. "This is more then I had anticipated." Vexen then complained.**

"You anticipate too much." Xigbar sneered, swinging down from the ceiling and causing both Namine and Larxanne to squeal in surprise. Laughing, the one-eyed man looked down at the puzzle. "Welp, I was never good with puzzles. I had a 1.2 average in school, so you're S.O.L."

**"Aw, Xiggy, you're smart! Don't be mad!" Demyx exclaimed as he stepped into the room. The boy cast a confused glance at everyone before catching sight of the puzzle. "What's that?" He asked.**

"One of those dumb 'soo-duck-koos'." Xigbar replied, catching a greedy eyeful of Demyx's butt. "So you won't be of any use, Dem."  
"Neither will you, obviously." A red-head appeared in a curtain of flames. "Of course, I probably won't be, either..."

**"Don't point out the obvious, Ax." Roxas teased. "You all really ARE useless, though." He muttered. Sighing, the youngest Nobody snatched the paper, glaring at it. Hopping up to sit on the table, he set the paper down and began to work at the puzzle. "This is ridiculous." He huffed, a few minutes later.**

"Hey, need some help?"

Hayner waved at Roxas, Pence and Olette trailing behind him.

"Well, from these two, anyway. I'm no good at games that require thought."

Pence looked over Roxas's shoulder, munching on a bar of sea-salt ice cream. "Hm, that's one of the most difficult ones I've ever seen."

"No kidding." Olette agreed, peeking over Roxas's other shoulder. "Where'd you get this one from?"

**"I believe that would be my fault." Zexion confessed, entering the now crowded room.**

**"Zexy!" Demyx exclaimed, rushing forward to hug the other Nobody.**

**Zexion smiled faintly, before prying Demyx off and making his way over to the others. "I was having slight difficulties with this particular one, so I passed it off to Namine." The slate haired man explained, simply.**

There was a collective 'oh' and Xigbar descended from the ceiling to grab Demyx into a hug of his own.

"What's going on in here? I thought someone was having a number problem." Luxord crossed his arms, looking at the large group clustered around the small sudoku puzzle.

"Not YOUR kind of numbers, you drunken fool." Xaldin sneered, stepping out of the portal Luxord had just emerged from.

**"I am NOT a fool, you drug-using, dread-loving idiot." Luxord sneered back. Xaldin flipped the bird at Luxord, who only smirked in return.**

"Boys, boys," A figure in red appeared, one eye visible through the bandages covering his head. "Enough of your childishness."

"DiZ, they're hardly boys anymore."

"Your highness." Came the collective greeting. King Mickey laughed in that squeaky way of his and smiled, while DiZ took a look at the brain-busting puzzle.

**Xaldin and Luxord glared at each other, but greeted the king and DiZ anyway. **

**"I hate you." Xaldin muttered, forgetting that he lacked a heart to hate with. **

**Luxord grinned and replied, "Hate you, too, love."**

The door suddenly banged open, and a blur dived under the table.

"The fuck-?" Xigbar ducked his head under the table top, amused. "Oi, Leon, get out from under there."

"What's Leon doing under my table?" Namine asked, softly, with a weary look on her face.

Before Xigbar could come up with something smart-assed, a squeak came from underneath the table. A squeak that said: "Cloud's horny."

**Everyone cringed as they heard the door slam open again; the door knob leaving a hole in the wall from the impact. "What the hell?!" Xigbar yelled, "The walls aren't cheap, ya know!" **

**His rant was cut short as the blond man that had entered grabbed him by the collar and dragged him forward. "Where is he?" Cloud ground out in frustration.**

"He's not in here." Luxord covered, with his best poker voice, "Just missed him." However, behind his back, Axel pointed to the table whilst looking and whistling in another direction.

**Leon forgot that he was supposed to be hiding as he let his hand shoot out to wrap around Axel's ankle, dragging him down. Leon let go once he heard Axel hit the floor and smirked victoriously. "Had that coming, bastard." He whispered.**

However, Cloud dived under the table, and Leon's clothes flew out.

"Awww, come on...Everyone's getting laid but ME now-a-days..."

"That's because you chose to date SORA." Axel grumbled, picking himself up off the floor. Riku, in the doorway, scowled at him.

"I'll make you park your ass back on that floor if you talk about Sora like that again, _Fire-Britches_."

**"Bring it, **_**Perverted Man**_**." Axel challenged, a small flame appearing in the palm of his hand, "After all, I have **_**Rox-ass**_** over there to back me up." The red-head gestured towards Roxas, who shot him a glare.**

While everyone argued amongst themselves, fought tooth and nail, or had mind blowing sex, Sora peeked in. Unnoticed, he flounced over to the table, looked at the puzzle, and started to solve it. This was odd enough without the Paopu fruit dangling out of his mouth precariously.

**Riku stopped mid-kick, (which was aimed at Axel's face), when he noticed Sora. Giving Axel one last punch, he stood up and walked to stand behind the brunette. "Hey." He greeted, casually, acting as if the fight had never happened. Wrapping his arms around Sora's shoulders, he took an uninterested look at the puzzle again. "...What the-?!" He shouted, snatching up the paper.**

"COWARD!" Axel roared, coming to punch Riku in the back of the head, when he, too, noticed the sudoku. "...Oh...my GOD." He trembled. "Did Sora just-?!"

Sora blinked up at them both with a confused expression on his face. An expression that everyone usually saw on his face all the time, by the way. "Did I just...what?"

**"I love you SO MUCH right now..." Riku whispered. Having that said, he collapsed on the floor in exhaustion and mental anguish. **

**"What's all that about?" Sora questioned, innocently. Axel smiled, and hugged Sora.**

**"Man, if I wasn't with Roxas, right now..." He mumbled, before yelping as a shoe collided with his temple. "Sora, you just solved our problem." Axel explained, rubbing his head.**

Roxas snatched up the paper, (along with his shoe), from Axel, and stared. "Man, and here I was thinking I had all the brains, Sora."

Xigbar dropped down, kissing Sora's cheek. "Brownie, you're amazing." He was promptly knocked silly by Riku, who looked a little more then miffed.

"Why am I amazing?" Sora whined, looking even more confused then usual.

**"You solved the sudoku, Sora." Leon said, crawling out from under the table. Cloud followed behind him, smirking, moving to help Leon re-adjust his clothing. Once that was finished, he grabbed a chair, quickly slumping into it. Lazily, Cloud reached out to wrap an arm around Leon's waist and gave a sharp tug. Leon yelped as he landed in the other man's lap. The older man huffed and fidgeted, trying to get comfortable before he continued his explanation. "Sora, that puzzle has been causing these guys trouble all day." The brunette said. "I could hear them complaining and arguing while I was running through the hall." He added, giving Cloud an indignant look. The blond only grinned, rubbing random patterns over Leon's leather-clad thigh.**

"Yay Sora!" Several of the younger ones cried. And while everyone congratulated him, Sora continued to look painfully confused.

"But," He mumbled around the Paopu, "All I did was come in to give Riku this..." And he handed the silver-haired boy the star-shaped fruit, "I didn't think you'd all be doing The Blond Sudoku..."

**"Huh?" The entire room said, looking at Sora. Sora opened his mouth to explain, but was stopped when the door creaked open yet again. Kairi poked her head in, smiling brightly at the group. "Hey Sora." She greeted, walking into the room. Looking between Sora and Riku, she grinned. "So Sora, what to you plan on doing with that Paopu fruit I gave you?" Sora blushed and sputtered.**

**"What does that thing do, anyway?" Axel inquired, loudly, as though trying to save Sora some humiliation. It didn't work.**

Riku's face burned with rage. "...so...KAIRI gave you that?"

Sora yelped, jumping back. "I was busy, so she got it for me!" He held it out to Riku. "It's for you!"

"But what's this about a 'Blond Sudoku'?" DiZ questioned.

**Kairi rubbed the bridge of her nose in frustration. Cloud smirked, recognizing that as one of Leon's habits. "Have you two been hanging out?" He asked Leon teasingly. The brunette punched Cloud on the shoulder lightly, before folding his arms over his chest.**

**"That fruit is very special. If two people eat that fruit, then their lives and destinies become entwined." The red-headed girl explained, slowly. The group let out a collective 'oh' as Sora and Riku turned red.**

The silver-haired boy took the fruit from Sora. "We'll share it later...Now isn't the best time." He kissed the smaller boy's cheek, pocketing the Paopu carefully.

**A light pink blush was dusted over Sora's cheeks as the smaller boy giggled and nodded excitedly.**

"Will someone PLEASE explain WHY it's called a Blond Sudoku?!" Xaldin bellowed, looking irritated.

"Oh, THAT." Sora smiled. "Kairi gave me it yesterday. You just fill it in with ones, see?" He held up the puzzle, which was, indeed, filled entirely with ones. If those in the room hadn't felt stupid before, they sure as hell did NOW. In fact, the simplicity of it all...really pissed them off.

**Sora hid behind Riku as he saw Xaldin don a lance. Riku then hid behind Axel as he saw everyone else grab their weapon and stand on the offensive. "Don't hide behind me, dumbass!" Axel hollared, summoning a chakram.**

Riku slowly looked over his shoulder, and Sora whimpered pitifully.

"Sora..." The silverette murmured in a deadly voice, "This is gonna hurt you..." He summoned the Soul Eater, "...more then it's going to hurt you."

**Sora blinked before bolting out of the door. Riku growled, sprinting out of the room after him. The others slowly looked at the door, then at each other, before charging out the door, intent on pummeling the brunette.**

"WHY ME?! ACK! NO! RIKU, NO! AIIIIIEEEEE!!"

"GET BACK HERE, SORAAAAAA!!"

The sudoku lay innocently on the floor, and was not picked up until later on, when Namine used it to clean up Cloud and Leon's mess under her table.

O**w**a**r**i

**Again, folks, this story is CRACK. It is INSANE. D: Don't get up in me or aodokueki's grills about it, eh? We just wrote it for fun.**


End file.
